Thursday, February 25, 2010
Naked Boundaries
God help me. LOL. I posted some items on CraigsList to get pulse of the City #1 vs. City 2 scenes. City #2 guys have been quite responsive. I laughed out loud today, though, when one guy sent me a picture of himself complete in the buff, laying down on his bed... completely naked. I really got more than I asked for on that. Some folks have a totally different definition of boundaries and privacy than I.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
City 1 versus City 2: Head-to-Head. Survey Says?!......
I am pleased with how I have pulled out the resources of researching each city for my job search. First, I researched the Meetup.Com listings. This gave me a pulse of each city with respect to my interests, such as the gay scene, the hiking/camping, ballroom dancing, and dog friendly activities. I also got a huge amount of information about the Catholic Young Adult Group activities in either city, and was impressed with the offerings of the Archdiocese in City #1 especially Ministry for Catholic Young Adults. It is a very active group, and participates in many faith-building community events and activities. The City #2 Catholic scene is very impressive. Their retreats go to places like... um..... the Mountains!!! National State Parks, and such. Wow. Undeniably cool.
City #2 gay scene is very diverse and full of multiple resources. They are a city in a very progressive state, a state which has recently passed a statute allowing some select rights for same-sex couples. I already found 3 different outdoor/hiking-specific gay groups.. which is very encouraging. Plus, city #2 has actual community centers (which look pretty hip); which suggests a welcoming and embracing of gay community.
The other resource I am finding to be useful is Craiglist. I posted on "men for men: romance", and "men for men: platonic", to put out feelers for the gay scene in either city. Thus far, one person wrote back and says that City #1 gay scene sucks. Well, that's what I get from looking online. Compared to City #2, City #1's gay scene looks pretty dead.
City #2 gay scene is very diverse and full of multiple resources. They are a city in a very progressive state, a state which has recently passed a statute allowing some select rights for same-sex couples. I already found 3 different outdoor/hiking-specific gay groups.. which is very encouraging. Plus, city #2 has actual community centers (which look pretty hip); which suggests a welcoming and embracing of gay community.
The other resource I am finding to be useful is Craiglist. I posted on "men for men: romance", and "men for men: platonic", to put out feelers for the gay scene in either city. Thus far, one person wrote back and says that City #1 gay scene sucks. Well, that's what I get from looking online. Compared to City #2, City #1's gay scene looks pretty dead.
Same-Sex Marriages
It is absolutely infuriating to me to hear the arguments of the anti-gay marriage lobbyists. If I had ever met them in person, and had to listen to their opinions, somebody would have to hold me back from clocking the guy in the face. What gives the state the right to define who enters into legal union without one another? Seriously. Give me the proof that says homosexual unions erode family values. Where is the empirical evidence? Do they just use their moral theology to make this claim, or do they have evidence that demonstrates the presence of homosexual marriages erode family values and traditions of America?
This fires me up just thinking about it. How can a heterosexual lawmaker, lobbyist, or advocate even feel or empathize for a gay man or woman who has a longing in their heart for true love? Who are they to take this over and decide who gets legal rights and who does not? It's absolutely infuriating, how the State attaches legal boundaries to love.
As a man struggling with his sexuality, I am a firm believer in the state granting rights to gay couples..... I would compromise if needed, to call it a "union" instead of a "marriage", just to stop the bickering. But, I would absolutely not compromise on rights such as adoption of children to gay couples, health proxy rights, and property issues. These are the legal issues that would be important for any couple. Why give this gold standard only to a heterosexual couple?
When will America wake up.
This fires me up just thinking about it. How can a heterosexual lawmaker, lobbyist, or advocate even feel or empathize for a gay man or woman who has a longing in their heart for true love? Who are they to take this over and decide who gets legal rights and who does not? It's absolutely infuriating, how the State attaches legal boundaries to love.
As a man struggling with his sexuality, I am a firm believer in the state granting rights to gay couples..... I would compromise if needed, to call it a "union" instead of a "marriage", just to stop the bickering. But, I would absolutely not compromise on rights such as adoption of children to gay couples, health proxy rights, and property issues. These are the legal issues that would be important for any couple. Why give this gold standard only to a heterosexual couple?
When will America wake up.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Gay Dating Con Artists
I got duped. Twice. I learned my lesson, although I am at a complete loss at how somebody could be such a complete, thoughtless asshole. Who sets up a blind date with a guy, stands him up, lies about why he was not there, then sets up another blind date with the same person only to stand him up again? What the Fuck?
Obviously, the guy is a work, and I could care less at this point about meeting him. But, seriously, who DOES this kind of stuff? Do people have a thrill of the chase, only to lose interest? Is he waiting for me to come back and ask him out again, only so he can be in control again? How messed up. I am at a loss of words, except for I cannot believe I fell for his lies the first time.. when he said my email bounced back and he could not get a hold me when he found out his father was in the hospital. So predictable. I look forward to never emailing this man again.
Obviously, the guy is a work, and I could care less at this point about meeting him. But, seriously, who DOES this kind of stuff? Do people have a thrill of the chase, only to lose interest? Is he waiting for me to come back and ask him out again, only so he can be in control again? How messed up. I am at a loss of words, except for I cannot believe I fell for his lies the first time.. when he said my email bounced back and he could not get a hold me when he found out his father was in the hospital. So predictable. I look forward to never emailing this man again.
Be Fully Engaged in Your Love for Your Partner
The longing still remains in my heart... a longing for male intimacy. I cannot escape it.. it feels good.... Though, I still wonder whether it is a fantasy or a reality. Tonight I am going on a date with a very handsome, seemingly friendly guy. I think he appreciates the fine things in life, given his taste in restaurants. He also appreciates academia, since he in fact works at a local university. I am excited, a bit nervous... but at all anxious.. about tonight's get together.
As I still ponder my sexuality, I wonder the extent to which guy's sexual passions are driven by fantasy versus reality; physical versus emotional. Yes, I am sure it is a mixture of these, given the complexity of sexual attraction. But I argue that the repulsion some of us feel toward homosexuality may in actuality be a defense mechanism to ward off constructs or norms that go against the views from society. I would argue that many men or women would enjoy sexual encounters of this nature, but for some reason or another, choose not to engage.
The freedom on choice is important in this regard. I would argue that those who actually *are* attracted to the opposite sex to any degree should nurture that, and "play for the heterosexual team" so to speak. Maybe I am speaking to what I would do, if that were in fact the case. For those who *know* that they are not aroused by the opposite sex would probably be better if they explored this, embraced it. This would prevent one from living a lie, and continually hurting other people as they engage in new, potentially "false", intimate relations with others.
I would argue that one should engage in a relationship fully. This fullness necessitates an innate attraction, both physically and emotionally, to the individual. One would be doing a dis-service to both yourself and your partner if you could not be, for any reason, fully engaged in the love and caring of your partner
As I still ponder my sexuality, I wonder the extent to which guy's sexual passions are driven by fantasy versus reality; physical versus emotional. Yes, I am sure it is a mixture of these, given the complexity of sexual attraction. But I argue that the repulsion some of us feel toward homosexuality may in actuality be a defense mechanism to ward off constructs or norms that go against the views from society. I would argue that many men or women would enjoy sexual encounters of this nature, but for some reason or another, choose not to engage.
The freedom on choice is important in this regard. I would argue that those who actually *are* attracted to the opposite sex to any degree should nurture that, and "play for the heterosexual team" so to speak. Maybe I am speaking to what I would do, if that were in fact the case. For those who *know* that they are not aroused by the opposite sex would probably be better if they explored this, embraced it. This would prevent one from living a lie, and continually hurting other people as they engage in new, potentially "false", intimate relations with others.
I would argue that one should engage in a relationship fully. This fullness necessitates an innate attraction, both physically and emotionally, to the individual. One would be doing a dis-service to both yourself and your partner if you could not be, for any reason, fully engaged in the love and caring of your partner
Monday, February 15, 2010
Good Progress
I feel fortunate that this week I get to hang out with 2 new guys: one for a beer, and one for dinner. I would call the one for dinner a date, the one for a beer, more like hanging out. I think I am starting to break through the fears of my previous self.... looking forward to going on a date with a guy! This is good progress.
Praying for Tolerance
Overwhelmed with emotion, gratitude, empathy, understanding... just washing over me......I listen to a gentleman on NPR speaking very articulately about his coming out experience, speaking about the pain, society's outlook, and I feel encouraged, and feel a kindred spirit, really, in listening to somebody with common experiences. He is speaking of the difficulties of being a gay Christian, and speaks of how religion has many times in history used the Bible and dogma to justify discrimination..... This man is very enlightening, and it provides me courage, and stirs up in me a passion, of wanting society to open up their minds and love, casting off unjustifiable fears that have no basis. I pray that homosexuality becomes less of an "issue" in our society, as we age, sexual orientation will become a non-issue.
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