It feels to me as if I have not made any progress on the dating front, although I have made tremendous progress on identifying my internal needs and desires. What does it take? I need to transfer this energy of hopelessness, frustration, and occasional disappointments into networking and meeting new people.
How do I place myself in the right environment? Do I need to become at least peripherally active in a gay group, despite my fears and potential discomfort? How do I become satisfied with my current circumstances without constantly having the tune behind my head of finding companionship?
I think what makes this difficult is a combination of my need to be pro-active, my current transition into a new town where I am trying to make friends with both straight and gay, as well as feel a part of a community and group of friends. It takes time to get acclimated, and I get very impatient and worry that I am not able to attain my expectations. It is a lot of change, and I want to control it somehow... make it happen faster, or make it happen to align with what my hopes were, or my pipe dream. It is difficult.
I need to also be aware of potential GayDar malfunctions, where I think somebody is gay, or I develop a man-crush, and then I end up in a quandry about how to draw boundaries, how to put myself out there, whether to pursue or not. For example, yesterday I came out to a friend who I thought was also gay.... LOL. That is an easy way to find out... and actually, it sure does ease my mind now that I know the answer.
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