Spur of the moment check-in... how is life right now at this moment in time

how are things going now, with regards to my emotions, where i want to be, what is missing in my life... i would say i'm frustrated about the Cl surfing, and how to quit this, and it eats up much time that could be spent doing other life-giving things like photo albums, music, or needed chores that i could knock out of the day at the beginning... it is frustrating. i guess i need to be disciplined. i'm satisfied with my work schedule... i have a game plan for integrating lectures; and i feel on top of things for my lectures this week; and my medium/long term plan of developing courses. so, there is really nothing there that i'm currently stressed about, which is good.. except that i need to try to stick to my discipline of t/th work; and every other saturday work... so i can keep up with my career goals and feel productive. this seems to work for me. with regards to spirituality, i feel connected to the catholic group, although i feel a bit bad about not going to mass; because it eats into my to do list, which helps me feel centered. if keeping centered requires organizing my life.. then why is church important, if i already have alternative ways to tapping into compassion, service, and community. it is something that i must ponder. if i could change anything right now,from this week, it would be not trying to do too much, and overextending myself... part of it is a desperate attempt to gain attention and intimacy for gay males; another is trying to satisfy other people and not let them down. my current to do list reflects this... trying to do too much for others, while getting scatter brained. so, again... it's discpline, how to say no, how to priortize, how to relax, how to balance, how to let things go and not feel too bad about it; having confidence that everything has its place. as far as hobbies, i'm missing my music.. which i love so much. i'm missing my live music concerts; and i may therefore go to a concert today in order to scratch that itch.... ifs funny i have to 'build' these things into my calendar, otherwise i forget all the things i really want to do, and get caught into my vortex of my to do list. if my to do list contains fun things, the vortex will not result in emptiness.