Let Me Go Far Away To My Own Land

I need to readjust my expectations, and I feel like I am not in control of my own situation or future.  It is very disconcerting.  The journey of my career and the journey of my sexuality are the two constants in my life right now.... .. and of course, how could they not be related, most especially if I want to settle in a city that allows me to completely start over, continue fashioning my identity.  My vision of the Pacific Northwest has come to a stand still, at least as of today as I hear the disappointing news of not getting a job offer.  I worry, oddly, that I may end up with the best career choice being in my home town.  Why is this a worry? It is rooted in fear of my identity.  When we go home after many years, we bring with us our personal successes, which in many cases include family.  In this case, I would go home to a town where many of my friends are established in their traditional Midwestern family circles, married, with kids.  Yes, I would be willing to chart my own territory and start anew in a town in which I grew up, but at the same time, I would be feeling like it would not be the ideal situation to start anew... because of the juxtaposition of my "new self" with "original self".  How to start in your own town as a newly outed gay man? In a town in which your own family is part of old society? How can a man who attempts to remake himself be surrounded by society and money which go against the grain of my being?  I fear this.  Friends of my parents seeking to set me up with people. Oh, he is still a bachelor? Let me set him up.  Just that in itself is uncomfortable. Why can't I go far away to my own land, where I know nobody... just to start anew?  I want this so badly.  I want the nature, the mountains, the lakes. This other midwestern town would not provide me that outlet for my spirit, my growth, my independence.  I fear that I may not be able to control the outcome, with exception of having hope for these next few interviews.