A New Sense of Freedom

I am in my new city now, looking forward to meeting new friends. I am also ready to open up more to my acceptance of being gay.  The fear that I harbored about coming out in this city has subsided substantially, most pronounced two nights ago when I felt comfortable enough to speak to an old high school friend about my situation. The consequence was of course, support and love.  Although in hindsight this was not surprising, I did not know what to expect.  My high school friends signify my past, and lumped into this past are all the insecurities and old tapes of my adolescents and early teenage years.  The openness and warmth of this conversation helped bring to an end my fears of the past.  It signified a new beginning.... friends from the past who could not only accept me, but reach out and help, protect, and comfort me.  This continues the coming out process, which continues for the most part to be positive and cathartic. 

I began my homecoming by going to a psychiatrist that has been seeing my family for years.  This allowed me to open up the subject again, this time, within the context of home.  I accomplished this without fear.  In fact, I embraced the opportunity to discuss my issues with a pyschiatrist who has been helping my parents for years.  Her insights were invaluable, most especially because she provided a context around my own past history, and how I fit into my own family dynamics.  This was just so encouraging, and I left the session with a sense of freedom and hope. 

So I begin this new chapter in my life with a sense of hope and optimism. This city is in fact vibrant, alive, eclectic, and diverse.  The neighborhood in which I live helps me access, and really sense this culture.  I will thrive here, I believe, in contrast to the past when I associated this city from the perspective of my suburban upbringing.  Away I am now from the perfectly manicured lawns, the 2-car garages, and the soccer moms.  Although I do not harbor resentment for that suburban lifestyle, I do know that I feel much more whole and at peace in my current neighborhood.  I believe this offers me hope for my new life's direction, and will serve to help me thrive and feel much more free.