i know social networking is all the shit right now.. but hesitate because it seems so self-serving.... putting yourself out there, by nature, is a way of telling people to 'look at me, look at me'. but, if one needs to succeed in a 'social' sense, does one need to succeed at the social networking skills as well?
if i were to go all out, i would need to purchase an i-phone; boost up my facebook page to post all my interests, favorite tunes, movies, etc. i would need to connect as much as possible to any facebook page that had any relevance to my hobbies, etc..... i would then need to re-design my match.com profile, to highlight my best photos, best experiences.. and make sure i really sell myself, on the first title, the first paragraph... to make myself stand out. maybe i can use some of the skills from my grant writing class in order to sell myself. i need a theme. i need to know my audience. i need a 'hook' sentence...
i could set up a d-list profile.... which is a special networking site for gay guys.... i could do the same thing on that as well.
so, say i do go all out on this. do i lose my spiritual center? do i become egotistical? do i become lost in trying to sell myself to others, and not pay attention to who i really am?
i do not necessarily want to become part of the 'social media rat race'; but at the same time, like i discovered today on my facebook connections to another nice gay man, why can't i at least try to network a little bit more to see if i can succeed in exanding my lbgt network? what do i have to lose? i am up for the challenge.
the tasks would be
a) update my match.com with relevant photos; better profile summary; a hook sentence.
b) start to friend more FB pages of my interests; see if i can find any other "intersections"
c) update my fb profile to list my interests; movies; quotes, etc....
i guess the more people rely upon social media to get to know somebody.... before actually 'knowing' them, perhaps i need to throw my hat into the ring? this would be for purposes of networking for lgbt, not other friends......... it would be a defined purpose.
Monday, February 28, 2011
E-Fishing for Men
i had an odd response from a match.com guy today, which, after sending him an email to say i was interested, emailed back, and just launched into why he did not want anything to do with me, before even saying hello. he said, 'first off, i am not between the ages you stated on your profile',... the second point he made was legit, that he was an undergrad at the same institute where i teach, so that made sense. but jeez. i was a bit taken back by the rudeness..... guys can be such assholes........
it made me think about my own approach to the e-dating scene, and how to go about it. lately, i have just been looking at faces to see if they are hot, and then emailing them a quick hi, or a flirt.... seems more efficient to go for volume of flirts sent, and worry about the details later... but, now i'm thinking perhaps i need to actually narrow things down to what i actually want, so when a cute guy does show up with those criteria, i actually have more to go on that just a pretty face, like their interests, hobbies, etc.
do i need to be more discriminatory? but it's so fun to go fishing and see what comes up..... the challenge of even getting a response from a hot guy is kind of adventurous.... and if there is nothing to lose (especially online, you can send off plenty of quick emails and does not take much time) why not broaden your chances?
the problem with this, at least for myself, is that then you start realizing all the guys you emailed never give you the time of day. you can see that they viewed your profile, but then did nothing to respond. depressing. goes to show that you need to be a superstar on the online scene in order to even get noticed, and it's a freakin' pain in the ass.
i have had some luck meeting guys, though.. 1 through match.com; i'm corresponding with a couple of others through craigslist, and then another through a local gay catholic group... actually, i'm supposed to hang out with a couple of guys this week, so maybe i should hold my horses about being to overeager to meet other gay guys. plus, i also hit a jackpot in networking with another gay guy who knows some acquaintances of mine from another university. that was a pretty cool discovery, through the magic of Facebook,, .. which can be used to search for the people you 'may know', and you can narrow this down by choosing overlapping schools, organizations, and mutual acquaintances in order to find out people who intersect. this was helpful for the local lbgt center, which has so many 'friends', that it's tough to find out who knows who. the solution.... intersect the lgbt center with friends in your local town, and you'll start to see if there are mutual friends between those two... then this helps networking.
networking is critical in the gay world, because it's so difficult, so underground, and for the type of people i want to meet (discreet, professional, masculine acting, etc)... it may be through avenues other than bars, c-list, or match.com.... bring on the networking! at least i enjoy that as a hobby; so i'm up for the challenge...
it made me think about my own approach to the e-dating scene, and how to go about it. lately, i have just been looking at faces to see if they are hot, and then emailing them a quick hi, or a flirt.... seems more efficient to go for volume of flirts sent, and worry about the details later... but, now i'm thinking perhaps i need to actually narrow things down to what i actually want, so when a cute guy does show up with those criteria, i actually have more to go on that just a pretty face, like their interests, hobbies, etc.
do i need to be more discriminatory? but it's so fun to go fishing and see what comes up..... the challenge of even getting a response from a hot guy is kind of adventurous.... and if there is nothing to lose (especially online, you can send off plenty of quick emails and does not take much time) why not broaden your chances?
the problem with this, at least for myself, is that then you start realizing all the guys you emailed never give you the time of day. you can see that they viewed your profile, but then did nothing to respond. depressing. goes to show that you need to be a superstar on the online scene in order to even get noticed, and it's a freakin' pain in the ass.
i have had some luck meeting guys, though.. 1 through match.com; i'm corresponding with a couple of others through craigslist, and then another through a local gay catholic group... actually, i'm supposed to hang out with a couple of guys this week, so maybe i should hold my horses about being to overeager to meet other gay guys. plus, i also hit a jackpot in networking with another gay guy who knows some acquaintances of mine from another university. that was a pretty cool discovery, through the magic of Facebook,, .. which can be used to search for the people you 'may know', and you can narrow this down by choosing overlapping schools, organizations, and mutual acquaintances in order to find out people who intersect. this was helpful for the local lbgt center, which has so many 'friends', that it's tough to find out who knows who. the solution.... intersect the lgbt center with friends in your local town, and you'll start to see if there are mutual friends between those two... then this helps networking.
networking is critical in the gay world, because it's so difficult, so underground, and for the type of people i want to meet (discreet, professional, masculine acting, etc)... it may be through avenues other than bars, c-list, or match.com.... bring on the networking! at least i enjoy that as a hobby; so i'm up for the challenge...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
inappropriate de-identification?
i had a stroke of brilliance on facebook tonight.. as a way of networking with the gay community in my city.. i was able to search under the 'people i may know' with the local lgbt center (which is technically 'a friend'). while intersecting this search with either my high school, home town, etc.. i was able to isolate those with at least 2 or 3 mutual friends, which led to inroads for introductions to new gay friends through my current friends. babam!!! i probably should go through my current friends first, instead of through a 'cold' facebook email to them.. but what a cool way to network... i figure that if the new gay friend has already 'friended' the lgbt center, then maybe they are out? who knows. we'll see what happens. what's the worst that could happen? maybe make a new friend, and/or make a new funny awkward story about how i meet new gay guys. LoL
Spur of the moment check-in... how is life right now at this moment in time
how are things going now, with regards to my emotions, where i want to be, what is missing in my life... i would say i'm frustrated about the Cl surfing, and how to quit this, and it eats up much time that could be spent doing other life-giving things like photo albums, music, or needed chores that i could knock out of the day at the beginning... it is frustrating. i guess i need to be disciplined. i'm satisfied with my work schedule... i have a game plan for integrating lectures; and i feel on top of things for my lectures this week; and my medium/long term plan of developing courses. so, there is really nothing there that i'm currently stressed about, which is good.. except that i need to try to stick to my discipline of t/th work; and every other saturday work... so i can keep up with my career goals and feel productive. this seems to work for me. with regards to spirituality, i feel connected to the catholic group, although i feel a bit bad about not going to mass; because it eats into my to do list, which helps me feel centered. if keeping centered requires organizing my life.. then why is church important, if i already have alternative ways to tapping into compassion, service, and community. it is something that i must ponder. if i could change anything right now,from this week, it would be not trying to do too much, and overextending myself... part of it is a desperate attempt to gain attention and intimacy for gay males; another is trying to satisfy other people and not let them down. my current to do list reflects this... trying to do too much for others, while getting scatter brained. so, again... it's discpline, how to say no, how to priortize, how to relax, how to balance, how to let things go and not feel too bad about it; having confidence that everything has its place. as far as hobbies, i'm missing my music.. which i love so much. i'm missing my live music concerts; and i may therefore go to a concert today in order to scratch that itch.... ifs funny i have to 'build' these things into my calendar, otherwise i forget all the things i really want to do, and get caught into my vortex of my to do list. if my to do list contains fun things, the vortex will not result in emptiness.
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