Thoughts and Observations of About Myself:
1) I get into these states of mind when I am stressed out, overloaded, and exhausted, and trying to do to many things, and not allowing myself just to chill out, and not try to control every aspect of my life.
2) I need to remind myself that I'm not on medications anymore.. if I WERE on the medications, even just a small dose, perhaps these ups and downs would occur less frequently? Even so, I would lose my creative and productive edge at work, because when I am "ON", it feels good. It's almost like i'm exhibiting slight symptoms of manic/depression....... and when i'm in 'manic' I tend to surf for guys, and tend to do more risky things.. This is especially the case when I'm in my highs, or even my lows... and I need to really be aware of this so I don't get myself into deep shit.
3) When I am out of these states of mind, for example.. if I get some good exercise, or, cases in which I'm just so horny I need to whack off just to prevent myself from going crazy.... after those 'rushes', it's like I return to a 'baseline' level of not being so in a rush to get things done, or stressed out.
4) I tend to stack things on at work and impose all these deadlines, thinking I NEED to get them done, when in reality, I could re-prioritize, and think about the 'first things first', and try to let the other things go. This is the double-edged sword of being naturally self-motivated: being a self-starter is good, but it's hard when you need to learn how to balance and 'shut off', so as to not burn out.
5) I am considering perhaps, that going back onto a small dose of the medication may be a good thing for me? I'm not sure.. part of me is stubborn and just wants to do this on my own;monitor my behavior and create my boundaries. If I learn from myself, and make sure I get exercise, moderate my activities to make sure I don't get stressed out, etc.. I can probably be OK without relying on the meds as a crutch.
How This Manifests in my Behavior:
1) Thoughts of hooking up, obsessing about relationships, thinking too much about my 'situation' of being gay, single, and potentially 'confused' still........ can turn me into a total spiral if I'm not careful.
2) The exhaustion turns to worrying, bad habits, bad behaviors, if left unmonitored.
Solutions for the behavior:
1) Consider taking a little bit of medication during times that I am more stressed out, during deadlines, when i'm at higher 'risk' of being stressed or acting out in unhealthy manners.
2) Force time for 'regrouping' during fast, stressful times.. to make sure I'm not making any off the cuff, impulsive decisions, interactions, or communications that I would regret in the future.
Creative approaches for dating situation:
1) If I decide that I'm going to 'play the online dating game', maybe books have been published that review how to best be successful at this. Perhaps I do have to play the game to some extent... post better photos (professionally produced, perhaps); really think more about my profile text; perhaps pay that $40.00 for review of my profile.
2) Do not rely solely on one avenue for meeting guys... the online may be one, but also continue to network and go to events, even if it involves taking a 'risk' (i.e: putting myself out there). I could consider still going to bars, and fundraising events when opportunities present themselves; as well as continue my current events (volunteering, Catholic groups) that are non-gay related, at least to keep up the other (non-gay) dimensions of my life...
3) I could start an LBGT dining club that meets out once a month at various places... and people can provide input (voting) on where to go each month. This could be a low-maintance, expectation free way to meet folks, and i'm SURE there is a market for that.... specifically for gay guys.
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I like the dining club idea. You wouldn't have a lot to lose by trying it.
ReplyDeleteNot using the Internet to date basically means you're networking to meet people. The dining club is a way to do that. You won't just meet other attendees but you may make some friends who can introduce you to their friends, etc.
As far as your on-line profile is concerned, I have this unproven theory that too much information in a profile is a negative. There are so many guys on line and so much information to dissect that the average user is forced to be very selective. If you write too much, you give readers more reason to think, "I don't like 'x' so we're not a good match" and they move on to the next profile. Then there's 'profile fatigue' - when you know you've read a profile so you never read it again. Changing a profile is not likely to attract much attention. To do that, you pretty much have to start over. My two cents.