Fuck. I had a productive day yesterday... where my mind was churning effectively.. and was wiped out by the end of the day. I have this gut instinct that when I am dosing down on my meds, I work more rapidly, and get slightly more manic than usual. It feels great. I get a ton done, but then.. the downside to this: is getting disappointed when I cannot hit my goals during the evening and I get completely off track.
Off track.. means...... getting lazy on couch, surfing craigslist... and then it's all over. Sex surfing in hopes of a hookup can drag me into the rest of the night, completely wasting my time.. then I fall asleep on the couch, and then my whole night/day gets fucked up.
So, is it the medication decrease causing this horny surge, which I do not mind.. but... how can I curb the obsessive behavior of porn, and also not get so tired at work after working my brain a million miles a minute?
It seems like a trade-off... either I am completely stable with no libido; or I am sufficiently horny but feel it difficult to draw my boundaries for what I would call my 'manic' moments.. then I get tired and crash, and it throws off my whole fucking day and task list.
Time for another therapy session. I want to so badly get off these medications, but if it means that I fall into cycles of porn, hookups, crashing after an almost 'manic' day of working way too fast because I have all this energy..... what the fuck do I do?
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