Re-Focus

I'm having some pretty substantive counseling sessions the past couple of visits, which are quite startling and a little sobering to me.... mostly because they do regard issues where I truly am limiting myself, and if I don't change my behavior, I could end up creating my own suffering. Let me share a case in point in order to illustrate. So, I come in with a chief complaint that it is very difficult to meet men, and I'm having difficulty, and am frustrated and almost despondent over how to even go about this.  As we talked through things, I was able to identify some of my irrational thoughts about dating guys: 1) I don't like the idea of dating older guys; 2) older guys would not want to consider adopting or having a family.  Then my therapist pointed out that my intellectual/relationship needs may point toward being in a relationship with a guy who is older...; and also dispelled my own irrational thoughts about the adopting/having a family; which many older guys (even in the heterosexual world) end up taking up later in life. So, I walked out therapy realizing that my own thoughts and judgements are preventing me from expanding my horizons, and I'm the only person who has the ability to change these horizons in order to improve my situation. So in a way, I do need to change in order to expand, and I do have issues to work out still in order to improve the quality of my life. Not that this is any surprise to me, but it's a little sobering, but also relieving, to be able to identify a few key factors that could be preventing me from reaching my potential.   Another idea we explored more was my ambivlance toward becoming involved in Catholic groups, and my hangup being I would not meet any guys, and I could be ostracized because of my views or my own sexuality.  I honestly am putting aside multiple opportunities for Catholic groups in Kansas City, for no known reason.... i think it's mostly because of the fear of being rejected, or maybe a feeling of hopelessness of finding a 'guy' that would occur once I start connecting with a group like this. But again, this is irrational... because if what I am trying to acheive in life, at least for now, is connecting with a group and feeling a part of a community, reaching out to the young adult Catholic group may be just what I need, similar to what I did in my 'prior lives' when transitioning to new cities, new schools, new professional roles.  Something always came of this... these decisions to become involved in the young adult Catholic group. Those things were rather big, if I recall... My decision to join the Catholic group in college led to a trajectory of new friendships and an ability to dig out of my prior depression and poor social circumstances. My decision to join the Catholic group during my post-doctoral fellowship led to a new set of friends, as well as a large growth in the ability to apply my faith to my life, which ultimately led to coming out, and a new trajectory of self-actualization. So, of what am I so fearful?