Stopping the Cycle

I had a dream last night that I started falling for a beautiful woman who did not care that I had an attraction to guys, and this was extremely attractive to me, and I remember feeling a sense of security and freedom. These dreams often parallel the random thoughts I have during the day, the latest of which is having this fantasy about maybe this whole 'gay' thing is just made up in my head, and wishing I could just run away from it, and not have to 'work so hard' at it.  It does seem like 'work'. Maybe I need to work on letting go, living my life, and not caring so much about how to 'improve' my situation, or think about the circumstances or implications for my sexual preferences.  Letting go and surrendering is one of the most difficult things one can do.  It may help to realize that I have multiple other hobbies, a dynamic job, positive outlets for making new friends, a supportive family.. which should boost my morale into thinking that I don't have it all that bad, and that sexuality, if it leads to being single for (a lifetime?) perhaps, that I should just let it go and be thankful for what I have.  It's time to start turning my negative thoughts into positive ones so I can stop the negative thinking cycle.