I am trying to broaden my horizons to increase hope...... one of the best pieces of advice given to me thus far by my therapist is not to limit myself.... perhaps based upon pre-conceived notions, prejudice, and fear. It's quite a tall order, especially when trying to navigate through this world of dating, and figuring myself out. What brought me into this world of gayness was my attraction to guys, and what keeps me from finding dates, potentially, is my wanting to grab onto the fantasy, or the 'ideal'. In the process, all the eligible bachelors who I may be attracted to would go by the wayside. Of course, I am referring specifically to the online dating world....
One of the odd notions I got into my head the past 5 months is wanting to be with younger guys instead of older. I'm not sure where I got this from, but my therapist mentioned that I may be going after the wrong demographic, especially if I need stability,maturity, intellectual stimulation. Part of what is feeding into this is most likely my homophobia of 'old queens'... anybody over 40 being an effeminate overweight man with a raspy voice and a bitter attitude toward life. Fuck. It sounds funny, but these preconceived notions really do prevent me from increasing the upper limit of my age range when seeking online dates. Perhaps this is a problem.
So, I took a few chances and emailed some guys who seem somewhat attractive, and are actually older than me. Imagine that. Why I put these boundaries on myself is beyond me, but I guess I'm still just learning to deal with my fears, fantasies, and realities.
Cheers to new adventures.... and also, cheers to letting go of previous 'potential' adventures which are not coming to fruition. I should not try to push those.. I should let go, and move on to new horizons, as to not grow stagnant....
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