The Man on the Plane

i don't know whether to be relieved or depressed when I meet a man to whom I am very physically attracted.  one the one hand, i am relieved because it demonstrates again that I am gay.  on the other hand, it depresses me because it reminds me how I am gay. It's a strange to have these feelings juxtposed together. I sat next to a man on the plane for 3 hours, and for lack of a better phrase, i wanted him. a young military guy who was built, friendly, and conversational. holy crap. it drove me nuts. It made me wonder how I would feel if I were in this situation 4 years ago while in the closet.Would closeted guys react, at least 'internally', in the same way to a guy, compared to a man who was fully out? Part of me thinks that being liberated from the closet can be exciting, because it allows me to have these feelings toward a man and not feel ashamed or disgusted.  I most likely while in the closet would have still been attracted to him, but would have been stressed out about it instead of relieved or excited.  So, I guess I'm glad I'm starting to feel more 'out', but it still doesn't make it any easier. Not sure if this ever will be easy. I just hope I can eventually find a partner with whom to share these feelings of uneasiness, love, and uncertainty, so I can at least feel more safe and hopeful.