Feels So Scandalous, But Feels So Good

When I speak with a friend who does not know that I am gay, I am much more aware of what I say or what I do not say, in order to just be careful about my identity. I think to the other person, it probably just comes off as being private about my life, which is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I think it is a good thing to be private, which has not necessarily always been my 'policy'.  In the past, for example, I may have told people too much about my emotions, my private life, who I was dating. Now, my current 'policy' is completely opposite: don't tell unless asked. I'm not sure how I feel about this new way of communicating. Although being private is not necessarily bad, it still feels dishonest if it causes me from holding back.  Maybe I should quit overthinking this. 

The second thing that has tuned me into this today is my new budding romance with a friend who lives across the country..... and how I most likely will not be telling a bunch of people about the friend I am visiting when I do go visit.. because it opens up a whole host of questions, and it almost feels scandalous. This is when it TOTALLY feels like living a double life.....  I feel totally exhilarated about it, and excited, and really super happy, but the other part of me worries about what other people will think, like it's scandalous, and that i'm making incorrect decisions...   So again, it's coming down to worry about what other people think about me..    Part of me, though, wants to shout to the world that I'm doing this, because it IS so scandalous, and I do feel SO liberated.. I mean, who flies half way across the country to meet a hot guy you've instantly become friends with by online texting and skyping? perhaps it is more common these days... I just cannot get enuf of this guy.