Unfinished Business

I still have some unresolved business to conduct: mentioning to some friends I'm gay. Although I know that 'coming out' is not required necessarily for everybody in one's life, but a few of my friends in the city I used to live in, I have been distancing myself from them out of fear.... fear that I haven't told them yet, and what they would think.

Although I do understand that coming out to everybody is not necessary, and sometimes not even advised... my therapist did share with me that if the withholding of this information is preventing you from reaching out to the people you love, it's time to share.  This advice is worth it's weight in gold.

I have learned the opposite lesson as well.... which was a bit tough pill to swallow.... is that you should not come out to people you don't know very well. Fuck, it makes the other person so uncomfortable, and is so inappropriate. I mean, this whole theme going on in my head, about wanting acceptance., etc.. plays itself out in this situation as well... when I'm almost wanting to tell people because I see it as a way to share, and connect.

Well, never again.

I can recall 3 instances: 1 with a guy I had met through some networking; 1 at the gym, and 1 college roommate I hadn't spoken with in 15 years.  For the first guy, outing myself seemed appropriate, because he asked about my dating life, and if I had any luck meeting women on the dating circuit. It was awkward for him, but not for me. He didn't have an issue with it, it was just a bit weird sharing that information with somebody I barely knew.  For the second guy, I was glutton for punishment because after a few beers, I inserted my 'outing' into conversation, off a tangential conversation that was only somewhat related (if at all) to my sexuality. That went over like a lead balloon, and I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.  And for my college roommate..... I again felt the need to bring it up over email, after he asked in a joking way how many women I've send to the cardiologist given the hearts I had broken over the years during my dating.  Well, that was a bit more related to my sexuality, so I decided to mention to him, using the same humor... to bounce off his... 'well, i don't know about sending women to the cardiologist, but I did send them to the psychiatriast.. because I came out of the closet a few years ago'. Well. I guess I did not *really* have to say anything, but I do admit, he somewhat opened the door and invited me in for that one.  Needless to say, and perhaps not surprisingly, I haven't heard back from him, and perhaps I never will. Not a loss necessarily, but just another reality of feeling different from others, and my life's path taking an alternative route, that others may not know how to respond or even deal with it.

Now, despite those difficult situations of coming out, I would say that 90% of my other interactions with friends and family have gone pretty darn well, so I say to those who were uncomfortable or disapproving of my life: it's your loss.