I Need Some Hope On This Train Journey

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my longings, my desires, my control issues.  When I'm not busy, my mind wanders into the constant background music of my sexuality issues, being single, and being stuck. God, I wish this music would just fucking stop.  Please, I need to start my job. Please, I need to at least go on some dates, and meet some nice gay guys to get my life started. Why the impatience? I wish I could turn off these longings, these sources of despair and turn them into hope and action. I am trying, but where will it lead? Why do I feel the need to be in a hurry? Can I find solace in my solitude and just friendships, and not necessarily romantic intimacy? I pray to God to provide mercy, so that I can put my mind to rest.  I hope that I have at least travelling some of this sexuality journey successfully. I want the train to stop at my destination though, and I get weary thinking that the distance to the train station, let alone, meeting somebody on the train, are still all a source of uncertainty.