I am not quite sure what phase I am going through right now, but my desire for hook-ups is nill, and my desire to chase the young dudes with whom I have been trying to get second dates has also decreased substantially. One thing I have realized is that it gets really damn tiring being the chaser, especially when with no reciprocation. It gets really annoying to constantly be the one who gives, and not have the other person give back without asking. For example, after all the attention I gave to a particular guy I went on a date with, about how we need to hang out this weekend....I most likely will never hear from him again unless I take the steps to pursue. And Fuck, i'm too busy this weekend to even hang out, so why even put the effort out to get in touch with him again? So many gay guys are flakey and self-centered... it's really tough to find the ones who care. What about friendship, people? I definitely am in an 'anti-hook-up' phase because I realize the emptiness of hook-ups.Right now, I am so fulfilled with my creative bouts I am having with both my research, writing, and my new house... that the need to be intimate has faded a bit...... and now.... i'm not quite sure what is next. I have maybe 1 prospect for a date; I could go chasing that guy again; I could go back into the online hunt... but I have become so jaded that none of this will lead to a meaningful, fulfilling relationship that has emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and caring...
Honestly the gay dating scene as it currently exists, at least in my mind, feels almost like rat race.. where one needs to update your profile, promote yourself, send out tons of emails to guys you may or may not like, only to get no response..... How does one not become jaded? Then there is the 'new meat' phenonenon where new connections found on a dating site may peak the first week, then die off because you are not anymore the new kid on the block.
So, the 'if you can't beat them, join them' philosophy does not work, because joining the rat race seems to be a series of downer deadends. So, I am not sure where I stand or what to do. I could keep chasing my young ideal boyfriend types, where I end up putting out most of the effort; maybe I would get some one night stands out of that. But where would that leave me emotionally? Fuck, it's crazy. You see why its much easier to become excited about a new house, a new manuscript to be published, some new collaborations, or a cool vacation... all of which have much more potential to be fulfilling compared to a cheap date with meaningless sex.
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Your problem is simple.Until you finally realise that those younger guys really honestly aren't seeking to settle down, that you're lucky they find you attractive enough to date... then you're always going to be the chaser. go slightly older or appreciate that younger is as young does. They're closer to being kids than you are!
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