Learning to Be Content

Despite my rants and raves about not finding a date, I am, oddly, at the same time, completely content with my coming out, my 'gay status', if you will, and my current state of affairs.  Being in this current limbo of mine is much more peaceful than my previous states of quandry when I did not even know I wanted to be with a guy; or had never been with a guy to figure out I was indeed attracted to them. I think back over the past year, and see progress. I feel progress. I see progress. I feel forward movement.  I am not living a lie anymore. I am being true to myself.  In essence, I am now like any other single person, trying to find love and intimacy with another human being; it's just that I'm happening to pursue a homosexual instead of a heterosexual relationship. Except for that (minor) detail, it's still love, relatonships, and intimacy. As humans, we naturally ache for that intimacy and connection...... We may transiently find that connection in meaningless hook-ups, but the connection fades as quickly as we cum...... literally.........

So here I sit.... with my coffee, on my front porch.. still pondering my life, and have no immediate answers. One thing that I have done to connect with a community is going back to church; as well as becoming active in the gay Catholic group.. both of which will satisfy that need to be emotionally and spiritually connected. I look forward to nurturing these relationships and friendships... So in the meantime, I will enjoy this time in my life.... and not try to overanalyze my situation. I should learn to be content with what I have, and not worry about what I do *not* have.