So I resigned from my job yesterday. I feel liberated, yet a bit apprehensive at the same time. It's been a crazy month on all fronts. After an amazing trip up to the Boundary Waters for a reunion at a camp that I went to for 5 summers in a row as a kid, I was inspired to change my life. Sometimes one goes to nature, and just hopes for spiritual experiences that don't happen. That trip was transforming. Going back to that sacred spot which was a source of growth and maturation as a little kid took on a new meaning. It was what I needed to grow closer to truths.
So, I digress. I came back from the MN trip, and decided to come out to a few more close people in my life, and then start meeting some gay guys through friends. I started signing up for meetup.com groups. Asking guys on dates. I jumped in fully.
But then I quit my job. This was a parallel drama with the coming out process. This job was not taking me anywhere. I was not enthusiastic about the projects. But, I was also depressed because of the state of my life. I'm not sure if I will ever know which came first: the depression, or the job dissatisfaction, but either way, the truth is: I needed to leave.
So here I am. Half-way out of the closet with no job. I'm free. I guess. At least for a few months. I need a plan. This begins with job networking, and a road trip out West with my Puppy Leif my Goldendoodle. Destinations still unknown. Possibilities include: Seattle, Chicago, Madison, Denver, Kansas City. Stops may include dog parks, friends' houses, state parks, and of course, future places of employment. Of course I will need to find the local Camp Bow Wow during those interview days..... Lots to plan, but what a cool adventure.
So, I'm off to a new start, feeling inspired to start my new life. New cities could bring better opportunities for finding male companions; for finding a job with a better fit. So, to be continued.....
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This is a profound change for you, and you're being very brave about it. I think a lot of people out there are in the same boat as you: confused, looking for a way to make the various parts of your life fit together in a society where there are no existing "templates" for what you are. Others could learn something from your experience and how you choose to approach things. Great start, and I'm looking forward to more from you.
ReplyDeleteHey dude-- thanks for the encouraging comments. I wish more people felt that way about the coming out process. most of society just puts "gay" into a box, and fills it with the typical stereotypes. Yes, those stereotypical gay dudes exist, but remember the stereotypical straight dude exists as well. Shades of sexuality, personality, and emotional and physical bonding exist at multiple levels, so we should recognize that as opposed to demonizing it.
ReplyDeleteGoing back to re-read these entries is quite therapeutic, and enlightening, for it reminds me of the journey I endured, and succesfully moved through. I like this entry b/c it illustrates my emotional and spiritual connection to Gunflint Wilderness Camp, which was such an important place and experience for me as a kid, and it makes sense that I had insights there during the reunion that inspired me to jump into my changes with full gusto. I can even remember how dissatisfied I was with my career at that point too. In hindsight, I was only 1 month away from resigning. When somebody asked if I enjoyed my job, I didn't have any passion whatsover, especially compared to when people ask me now about my job as a professor. I am so thankful that I have moved my life forward.
ReplyDeleteRESONATES - "After an amazing trip up to the Boundary Waters for a reunion at a camp that I went to for 5 summers in a row as a kid, I was inspired to change my life. Sometimes one goes to nature, and just hopes for spiritual experiences that don't happen. That trip was transforming. Going back to that sacred spot which was a source of growth and maturation as a little kid took on a new meaning. It was what I needed to grow closer to truths....... So here I am. Half-way out of the closet with no job. I'm free. I guess. At least for a few months. I need a plan"
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