Please be advised that the content below is uncensored and can be pretty nasty and offensive. These are a compilation of my observations while surfing the CL male-for-male dating section. Yes, it is lewd, offensive, and disturbing, which is one reason why I do not suggest it as the best way to find a date, or a relationship for that matter.
In this entry, I will describe some of my observations from being on CL, perhaps shamefully, a bit too much this year. But, it is what it is. I was curious what it was all about. Also, I will describe some typical trends. Finally, I will share some of my top stories from my own experiences. Hopefully, this will provide some entertainment, education, and to those interested in hearing about this counterculture without even having to go there yourself.
But first, a glossary of terms:
Glossary of Terms:
- CL: Craig's List
- str8: straight
- bi-curious: one who identifies as straight, but is curious about being with a guy.
- bottom: one who wants to "take it from behind"
- top: one who wants to "give it from behind"
- stats: when asked about your stats, you give your age, weight, penis size, and description (cut, or uncut), and whether you are DDF (drug and disease free).
- uncut: uncircumcised
- cut: circumcised
- ddf: disease and drug-free
- nsa: no strings attached (as in: sex with no strings attached)
- GF: girlfriend
- BF: boyfriend
- femme: an effeminate acting guy
- jo: jacking off; masterbation
Segregated Sections Based upon Ad Content:
- One section is purely for hook-ups. Some guys post a repeated ad every 3 days. Pictures are usually graphic.
- One section is purely platonic. Despite this, some guys post ads on these in hopes of more discreet relationships on the down-low.
- One section is for those interested in long-term relationships, not just sex.
Common entries across all advertisement sections:
- Men wanting to give or provide massages
- Men providing private gyms in their houses so you can go "work out" there.
- Gay men wanting to clean your house
- Men seeking out "jack off" buddies (most especially: self-proclaimed str8 guys who just want to play with a dude)
- Pure hook ups that happen at private homes, motels, hotels, or even cars (yep, not kidding on this one)
- Married guys in town for business wanting to hook-up with a dude.
- Straight guys (supposedly?) who want to hook up with guys while their girlfriends are out of town.
- Those ads with photos in theory grab more attention.
- Posting photos (of landscapes or a JPG of a school logo, etc) instead of photos of yourself maintains anonymity but can still grab attention of those surfing through the ads, since some people will only query ads that have photos attached.
Some personal stories about my CL experience in trying to meet guys:
1) One time I posted an ad for meetup.com group on the "platonic" site, in hopes of target advertising. What resulted from this was some email exchanges with a middle-aged man interested in hearing more about the meetup.com group. One thing led to another, and eventually the person told me he knew who I was, after I shared a bit too much information about myself. That incident scared the shit out of me, and I ran back into the closet pretty quickly.
2) One time I posted an almost angry, frustrated posting that said something to the effect of "Trying to come out, and can't find a date, WTF?". It was unbelievable how many responses I received, and the cross section of individuals from which I received emails.
- One of the most disturbing email exchanges was with an older man who cussed me out over email for being a hypocrite, after I politely told him I was not interested in going on a date with a much older man.
- One of the most encouraging emails came from a guy in his last 30's who sounded very grounded, well-adjusted, and talented. He proceeded to provide his opinion of the gay scene in the triangle, which was pretty funny, and educational at the same time. According to what I have read, the Triangle has a distinct gay culture, I guess, to which many feel it is very "cliquish". This same guy proceeded to give me a sketch of the "development" of a gay man :) For example, what happens during his college years, his 20's, and his 30's. He had some very interesting opinions about how men coming out in college may be in danger of adopting all that is in the 'stereotypical gay" culture, in a way, obscuring their own talents, idiosyncracies, and traits which may run counter to the "gay" culture to which they are trying to adapt.
- One email came from a very nice, genuine individual about my age. I could actually see this turning into a friendship because we had common interests.
- Finally, emails from 2 different individuals responding to my "WTF" advertisement led to my first dates.
3) Several times I posted ads to try to screen down the freaks responding, really trying to find masculine dudes, who were Christian, athletic, etc. Those led to some emails back and forth, but never materialized into actual dates.
Lessons Learned:
- CL is a hookup fest (doesn't take a PhD to figure that out)
- I do *NOT* want a hook-up to be my first-time experience.
- Targeted advertising (crafting ads with certain words, characteristics you are looking for) may work to grab attention of certain type of person you're trying to find, but still beware. There are a lot of nut jobs out there who just want a blowjob.
- Don't be surprised if people engage in conversation over emails for a while, but then drop you after they see your photograph for the first time. That goes with the territory, unless of course you are an Abercrombie model.
This is very eye-opening and comprehensive. There's so much "underground" culture that will never be known to 90% (or more) of the population.
ReplyDeleteAnd since you mentioned Meetup.com at one point, I will mention my own mini-story: A few months ago, some dude found me through the member list of my meetup group for Mind-Body Therapists (a networking group for professionals), and "propositioned" me; he was looking to "share sensual massage with attractive men under 40", or something like that. I felt I needed to reply to him, and I did, solely to tell him about the true purpose of our group (which of course has nothing to do with mutual male-on-male massage with an age bias, and more to do with massage THERAPISTS in a professional sense) and he wanted nothing to do with that. I later shared this story with the rest of my group, and it turns out no one else had been targeted by this guy. So I'm guessing this dude was essentially combing many of the Meetup groups' member lists and singling out people whom he thought he might want to fondle - and I was one of them. Ugh - makes me vomit in my own mouth.
congratulations. you can now say you've been virtually hit on by a dude :) yes, grossness factor high on that story, regardless of straightness or gayness.
ReplyDeleteShamefully, I continue off and on to surf the CL postings with a glimmer of hope that I will find somebody like me. And, stupidly, I always end those hours of surfing feeling like an idiot, and knowing that it was just the hormones speaking. In the times since this posting, I have attempted 2 hookups... 1 of which led to a hookup after which I had a panic attack; 2nd of which did not happen because the guy backed out on me... luckily. So, my therapist suggested a great way to break this cycle of CL: masterbate. LOL. Wow. Simple, elegant, fun, and to the point. Once you rub one out, horniness gone, and rational thinking comes right back in. Amazing how that happens.
ReplyDeleteThis CL description still makes me cringe a bit..... I mean, I know the CL culture at least indirectly, like the back of my hand, due to the many hours of obsessive surfing to try to engage in a safe, 'meaningful' hookup (if that is not an oxymoron, I don't know what is).... To think that this underground culture is going on like bad music in the background of society is a bit disturbing. Most people are shocked when I tell them about married guys posting ads for blow jobs from guys. I guess that is good that they are shocked. I, on the other hand, see it as just another CL advertisement, and have almost become immune to being shocked by the gay culture in general. I mean, I have read about all types of fetishes.. the strangest of which are men in diapers; the grossest of which are guys getting off on 'yellow showers' (i.e: urine). I guess if I had to choose, I would go for the diapers, but please, at least let them be white as snow. I do casually surf CL in times of boredom; I guess it still remains an itch that I scratch from time to time, but not as much as it used to be. I remain safe, private, and secure,, as much as possible... so to maintain my sanity and my disease-free status
ReplyDelete