The longing still remains in my heart... a longing for male intimacy. I cannot escape it.. it feels good.... Though, I still wonder whether it is a fantasy or a reality. Tonight I am going on a date with a very handsome, seemingly friendly guy. I think he appreciates the fine things in life, given his taste in restaurants. He also appreciates academia, since he in fact works at a local university. I am excited, a bit nervous... but at all anxious.. about tonight's get together.
As I still ponder my sexuality, I wonder the extent to which guy's sexual passions are driven by fantasy versus reality; physical versus emotional. Yes, I am sure it is a mixture of these, given the complexity of sexual attraction. But I argue that the repulsion some of us feel toward homosexuality may in actuality be a defense mechanism to ward off constructs or norms that go against the views from society. I would argue that many men or women would enjoy sexual encounters of this nature, but for some reason or another, choose not to engage.
The freedom on choice is important in this regard. I would argue that those who actually *are* attracted to the opposite sex to any degree should nurture that, and "play for the heterosexual team" so to speak. Maybe I am speaking to what I would do, if that were in fact the case. For those who *know* that they are not aroused by the opposite sex would probably be better if they explored this, embraced it. This would prevent one from living a lie, and continually hurting other people as they engage in new, potentially "false", intimate relations with others.
I would argue that one should engage in a relationship fully. This fullness necessitates an innate attraction, both physically and emotionally, to the individual. One would be doing a dis-service to both yourself and your partner if you could not be, for any reason, fully engaged in the love and caring of your partner
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