Monday, February 8, 2010
Building Cyber Brothels
It is strange to peer into the lives of straight married men who choose to build a secret cyber-life with gay men. I wonder what it must be like for them to live this double life. What if their wives found out? Perhaps they do not know? Does this make me a sick puppy to make pals on-line? I definitely do not strive for this to be my only avenue for new gay friendships; but I do admit it has helped me break the ice a bit, and get me out of my shell in a safe way. Perhaps it was a part of my journey....to see this side of people's lives..... I remain cognizant of it's potential detrimental and addictive effects, and still would only like to use this as an avenue to meet people in real life. In contrast, I have met some guys completely content in carrying on cyber relationships, with no intent to build the relationship in real life. I think this is what bothers me.... why build something in the dark, while it would be better to build in the light? I understand the underground nature.. sometimes necessary nature.. of gay or bi-curious urges.. but I am puzzled to the draw of building around oneself a brothel of cyber-guys who will must be at your beckon call for a cyber-booty call. It is odd and troubling all at the same time.
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Back in the late '90s, when I worked in the state parks system, I'd see men cruising for men in the parking lots of these parks, and supposedly most of them were married men living "straight" lives aside from their secret escapades. I'd even heard that one of the men there was the dean at a prestigious local college. Double lives indeed. None of these men intended to ever "come out"; they merely craved the thrill of sexual gratification on the side. And this was back before the internet was fully established as a social tool, so the only way to meet people was to actually go out there and put yourself on the spot. I'd bet that there's still plenty of cruising going on at the parks these days, but that some of the would-be cruisers might now simply opt for the cyber version, which is more discreet.
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