Gross Married Man

I have gained some wisdom from the hollow hookup with Gross Married Man. After a good counseling session, a chat with a close pal, and some feedback from another close friend.... I think I realize that I indeed need to be comfortable with a partner before going to bed with them. Of course, this is not surprising, in hindsight..... but was surprising in a way, because given my fantasies, I would think that the hookup would have gone according to plan.  Not so.  This is same for hetero as for homo.  Also, as a friend told me, some people are so horny they could have sex with anything.  So, I guess I am glad that I learned my lesson.. and came out unscathed, still healthy, and most likely.... wiser.

As a blogger follower mentioned, it is like I am a teenager just trying to hook up, listening to hormones.  Yes, I guess this is true. In a way, I "missed" that part of my life.... when my peers were going through those phases in high school, they were aroused by women.  I'm reminded of a story back when I was in 7th grade, of a big party somebody had, in that 'pre-teen' phase.  Although no beer was there, guys and girls were getting in on.... PG stuff for the most part.. kissing, and touching.  I wanted nothing to do with that. I felt so uncomfortable, almost repulsed by the whole scene. What a fitting reaction, in hindsight. Perhaps gayness percolated as early as 7th grade? Who knows.  

So here I am... free to be aroused by people who I actually like. It's quite liberating in fact, to be 'allowed' to be who I am..... The other day, as I was thinking about my Gym Jock Friend, I was thinking to myself "Ah.. so this is what it must be like for straight guys when they're thinking about the cute girl... Duhhhhh". This opens up a more confident world for me.... even in just making new friends, regardless of straight of gay... I have a much better sense of who I am, which makes me more secure, and in turn, make new friends pretty easily.

So this is what coming out is all about, I gather.  Accepting yourself, embracing who you are, and maturing, all at the same time.  I wonder how coming out experiences differ between those at younger versus those at older ages.  It seems to me that the younger guys (college aged) in the 'Millenium Generation' are much more non-chalant about the whole thing.. where gayness is not such a traumatic thing as it's portrayed by older generations.  It's an intriguing question; and would actually be an interesting sociological study.

Ok, so Gross Married Man brought me to new levels, in unexpected ways... Do I thank my lucky stars for Gross Married Man? Perhaps. I just know I will never do that again.