Where Do the Golden Boys Come From?

I realize I use humor as a defense mechanism; as a way to cope with the difficult journey of homosexuality. I was confronted today with an interesting issue: one of my friends who I grew up with was very conscientious of my situation, and asked whether my gayness was common knowledge or not. This was a very important question... because this town is very small, and people talk.  It made me think twice about my casual talking about my situation, and I suddenly grasped the gravity of the situation, the gravity of that type of information lurking around my hometown, full of friends of my parents.. This really is the generation I am concerned about.. My contemporaries, I really don't mind. It's all the friends of my parents who I have grown so close to over the years, and according to my parents, are very fond of me...... Will this fondness fall away? I have always been so comfortable around people of all ages.. I cannot imagine having these acquaintances of my parents' generation suddenly fall away because of who I really am.  I have to stop twice and really think about this.... To me, it's no big deal because I have been thinking about these issues for so long, and have come to accept them.  I have told friends, and have created safe spaces with close pals.  But, what I have not anticipated was running into the older generation of friends in restaurants and public places around town. It is bound to happen.. as I go on dates with guys.  It gives me a stomach ache to think about the consequences and perceptions of this next phase of my journey...... I still consider myself floating in between Hetero and Homo..... still not quite sure what to expect from my homo experiences. I mean, say I try, and really honestly don't think it's me... do I then go back the other way? Do I still think it's a possibility that I'm NOT gay?  The further I get from my coming out, the more I am consciously assimilating myself into the gay frame of mind.. which begs the question of whether we socialize ourself into gayness, or if it is completely genetic, hands down? I just don't know. All I know, is that I get increase heart rate when I see a beautiful guy at the gym, especially at the pool. Should that be enough? I just saw a golden tanned body surfer-dude blond guy at the pool today, totally toned, and smokin' body, and it just made me want to say out loud... 'wow.. geeez.. Seriously!??!... where do you people COME from?"