Can We Just Be Friends... Yuck...

OK.. so that last entry was a bit over the top. Fuck. I guess I was just exhausted and wiped out... clearly, because here I am 8 hours later, waking up from falling asleep on the couch! Gee. This is the classic sign of my being too tired for my own good. I am now confused about where my 'boundaries' have gone. Is my exhaustion because I'm doing too much? Taking on too much? Being too social? Stressed about work? Stressed about house purchase? I guess I have a few things on my plate, some uncertainty. I also woke up feeling partially like an idiot for feeling sorry for myself, considering that most of these issues are just related to 'dating' and not necessarily being gay.  It's hard to meet quality guys! And it's a bummer when you do meet a guy who you have a crush on and may not be available. That was the source of my angst last night.... I have a crush on somebody, but I don't think it's mutual, and he's moving to another city soon anyhow. I can't tell if the crush is worth pursuing, and I have always had problems being only 'friends' with somebody who I have a crush on; especially if I am remotely attracted to them. So, this will become the challenge of meeting gay guys, and distinguishing between 'just friends' or 'more than friends'. It would be like being in the straight world, and becoming friends with women you find attractive, and the rule that is always debated by straights ".. you can never just be friends with a woman because there is always some sexual tension,, it's inevitable"....      I am afraid I will be needing to get used to this more and more..... as I go on more dates, and meet guys, there will be a discernment needed between 'do i want to just be friends', or 'potential more than friends'; and then figuring out how to keep the lines of communication open.  this is tricky because I enjoy friendships with my straight guy pals, so why should this be any different? i think it's the expectations of going out with gay guys, and wondering... 'ok, do they just want to be friends? if i ask them out again, do they think i want to date them, etc'.. I think I need to learn how to be honest and direct without hurting anyone's feelings. At the same time, I need to learn how to 'take the heat' as well. It's this fear of rejection that fucking sucks. And it's the flip side too... knowing I have to dole out the rejection communication also... Yuck. I don't like confrontation or difficult emotional conversations that are even remotely related to rejection. it's one of my fears...