Soulful Limbo

I feel alone. It is silent, and my thoughts are not confident, not hopeful. I feel slow and alone with no control in how to change my circumstances... I get scared about dating, but want dating. I fantasize, but I hypothesize... and I wonder... where is this all going. It is Christmas Eve and I feel alone. It is silent, and my thoughts are not at peace, but are worried, with no place to settle in for a warm night's sleep.  I search for an intimacy with another being, that does not keep me alone in a blanket, with swimming wandering thoughts that lead me to fear something I do not know, or do not have.... to fear the very thing I do have: which is aloneness... How does it get easier, and how does one cope with solitude, knowing the future is uncertain; knowing that one's actions cannot lead you to the place which should provide you peace. It's a restlessness that causes a sadness, a sadness that is deeper in the soul, a worn sadness which has been pacing for years, with no answers.  When sadness cannot shed a tear, it is worn. To not know where to turn, it remains in soulful limbo.